Looking for You

I've always been taught that if you seek the Lord, you would find joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. And that the way to do that is to study the Word and show thyself approved. But it seems that all I do is end up with more doubts, fears, questions and tears.

Goin' Up Yonder

So, I have not been blogging as promised. Most of the people who read this blog probably already know why, but for those that do not know, my grandmother passed away on Sunday, October 3, 2010. Since then, I have not felt like writing or being extra introspective or doing much beyond going to work and events that I have already committed myself to and sitting in my house. I will not make a promise about when I will get back to blogging on a consistent schedule but I will be blogging on an irregular basis, so stop by every now and then and check me out.

Every Day is A Blessing

I have always firmly believed this and that every day is a new mercy. A chance to get it right, with God, friends, family, loved ones, yourself. But then I witnessed illness first hand. I know that everyone thinks sudden deaths are the worst thing that can happen. But for who the mourners or the deceased? I think its the former and the latter is way better off. I know that as a believer I should count it all joy but that's easy to say as a healthy (at least to my knowledge) 26-year-old with food, clothing, and shelter. How do you keep your faith and hope when your old and weary and everything, even going to the kitchen for a glass of water, is a struggle and the pain seems unbearable? Is every blessing that you experienced before the illness worth the burden? Does every sunset, every moment with the ones you love, and every deep belly laugh until your eyes start to tear outweigh the pain? Does old age and wisdom just better prepare you to hold on to God's unchanging hand? What about us young folk who can only watch and try to help and pray and attempt to make sense of it all? I'm at a loss. Well better yet, let's say I know in my head the right answer, the scriptural answer, but I'm having trouble getting my heart to accept it. Maybe you all can help me with this one.

It's Been A Long Time...

I shouldn't have left you without a dope blog to read! Actually, there are a millions of dope blogs out there. I will be linking to many on the right-hand side in the near future. So why should you read mine? What makes it different? Everything and nothing.

First off, this blog is a way to get me writing again. Those of you who have known me for a while know that I tend to write poetry, novellas, and short stories. So, you will find all of those things here. But I haven't written seriously in a really long time. My hope is that by having an active blog, hopefully with actual readers, I will start writing again and you all will keep me accountable. I have a lot of cool ideas about things I want to touch on here, stay tuned. So many ideas, that I have in fact forgotten some already, and will now be carrying a little notepad around everywhere to write down these ideas as they occur to me.

But I may not always feel inspired to write creatively, that means that in addition to my pieces, you will hear my random rantings on life in all their melodramatic glory as well as my take on the issues of the day and an edited account of the struggles I'm going through "trying to find anything that seems real in the world."

As you may have noticed I have an affinity for song lyrics, which I believe are some of the greatest poetry of our generation. That means you can expect a lot of post titles derived from song lyrics as well as a series of posts centered around verses, phrases, and mean 16s that made me contemplate my worldview.

Finally, I am all about goals and resolutions, who says you have to wait until the new year. Each day is a new mercy and a new chance to meet your potential. In that spirit, during the month of October I will "push it to the limit" and try to post at least every other day. Thanks for embarking upon this journey with me. Peace and blessings.

Apocalypse

Longing for solace,
she trudges along,
black and blue rags ribbon her trail;
her mahogany skin seared by saline tears
slowly descending from the pools of a moonless night.

Rays ravage her satiny skin
as they escape from a fiery inferno
burning brightly through the torrents,
cries of anger echo through the downpour,
but her lips cannot part to utter sound.

Rain drops slide slowly onto the concrete,
steam rises into the atmosphere
hallow, haggardly she stands
lost, lost in a whirl of wind
she must succumb to the elements.

Solid, stone structures collapse above her,
fissures form at her soles,
the abyss envelops her.
Her blindness brings a lasting peace.

Basic Brown

A figure adorned in white rags
psychotically painting across a black canvas.
She is a black queen
atop her wooden throne
giving life to a barren, empty world.

She creates:
she whittles weeping willows swaying in the wind;
sketches scorpions slithering through the sand.

The figure paints death and devastation:
sad shades of brown on a palette.
A sign of death,
she paints a parched piece of ground,
she sculpts a twisted twig.

Her mind roams
like a pack of hungry wolves,
over her creations, her children.

Land plentiful and thriving
stretched out before them,
water quenching their every thirst,
animals and plants living off her,
as she nurtures them;
her creations, her children.

They are taken from her at birth,
once mere dreams,
now abducted and given to the world.

Her brow scrunches,
to create she must give of herself,
give away her children.

She emerges from her thought green-eyed and vicious,
she paints a monstrous volcano-
lava flowing to land.

A bottomless feeling,
a yearning for each child lost,
her soul submits to destiny.